Dear daughter....

My dear daughter,
This letter's for you.
As you grow up, I need to tell you :
It's a cruel big bad world out there
I worry for you beta, are you aware
That this world will kill your innocence as you grow?

They will give you norms that you will have to fill
How to sit, stand and walk, in which manner should you talk.
"You are a girl, don't do this don't do that",
There will always be a code they will expect you to conduct.

You will get tired correcting your flaws,
But to them you will always remain a little too fat, short or dark.
Don't fall into this trap of the standards the world has set.
They are superficial, they are meaningless!

Dear daughter, no matter what you do it will be imperfect nevertheless;
But remember you are above all, you are no less.
Don't believe anyone who tells you otherwise,
They will try and pull you down, but, you must rise.

My dear sweetheart, enjoy every moment of your life,
Don't spend it all blindly in the wordly strife!
Enjoy this world for the beauty it contains,
In the song of the bird, in the rhythm of the rain.

Happiness is in uplifting your mates, not in putting them down.
Always remember- what goes around comes around.
Be crazy, be weird, be mad- it's alright!
It's okay to cry at times, sometimes it's okay to fight!

Don't belittle anyone- you dont know their struggle!
Be kind, be helpful, be honest, be gentle.
But, be stern and stubborn when the situation demands!
Be brave and stand for your beliefs, don't give in to commands!

My dear daughter, life will not always be easy as a song,
I hope you will find love that you will cherish life long.
But mind you that path is not a bed of roses,
It will require great effort and many sacrifices.

My dear darling, I may not be with you till the end
I wish you will grow up to be a strong woman,
A woman that has lived a life with no regrets-
A life with no fear, a life full of zest.

The year of giving up

Last year was tough. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, a neuro musculoskeletal pain disorder and my chronic pains basically decided everything for me. No, it has no cure. Chronic pain is a bitch . It eats and gnaws on you slowly leaving you such that you will never be whole again. It kills a part of you. You never heal.
Living in pain 24*7 aint easy. I had to give up on a lot of things.  I gave up on my work, I gave up socialising, I gave up reading books because my hand couldn't hold one, I gave up writing, making crafts. I gave up riding my two wheeler,  I gave up shopping, meeting friends, I gave up my favourite foods because I became intolerant to many,  I gave up complaining about my pains, I gave up explaining my pains, I gave up being understood, I gave up on empathy. I gave up on looking good, I gave up looking at myself in the mirror, I gave up smiling and being happy. If I did, it was just an act to pretend normal in front of my family.
I became home bound and started avoiding people, stopped taking calls or replying to messages. I couldn't roll out chapattis, I couldn't stand for long to cook, I had to pray namaz sitting on a chair. Even bathing became difficult. At 35, not being able to do even normal routine chores makes you feel useless. I would cry in the bathroom. I would cry while praying. I would just stare into the distance and start crying. Everyday was a constant struggle to get up and go about taking care of my children, my husband and myself.
But what I didn't give up on was my faith in my creator.  I knew it was He who gave me this suffering and I knew only He could take it away from me. It was just a matter of time. I never gave up on praying.  I never gave up on researching and reading about my illness. I never gave up on my search for the right doctor to help me. And by sheer chance I met one who changed my life. After my pains became slightly manageable with medication, I started exercising and gradually things became much better.
So is the pain gone?  No. But its bearable now. Am I physically fit to get back to my old life? Nope. I still can't do many activities. Am I cured? No I am not. Will I ever be painfree? I don't know. Will I be able to work like before?  I don't care. All that mattered was I had learnt to manage my everyday pains and work around it to make sure I could make the best out of each day.
I realised the true meaning of the words "Everyday is a blessing ". Yes it is. I don't take any moment for granted. I know that my physical state now is a blessing and for as long as I can be this way, I will live my life to the fullest and celebrate life to the maximum.
So even though I gave up a lot of things,  I also came out much stronger in my faith and beliefs. And now on my 36th birthday I want to give up on a few more things: I would like to give up negativity, hopelessness, depression, hatred, ego, jealousy and all such things which make life miserable and take the fun out of it . And I would like to embrace life and the people in my life who make it worth living. It's too short to waste it.
A year can change a lot of things! And this illness changed a lot for me. Life is slower than before and yes I have to be very careful about the amount of activities I can do per day. I cannot overstrain. I have my limits. But there are so many things I can still do and I am grateful for the ability to do them. It's all about seeing the good in the bad.
This post is to thank all my family, friends, well wishers for being a part of my journey. For not giving up on me. For making me feel so special. I couldn't be happier. May Allah almighty bless all the wonderful people in my life!
Here's to an all new chapter!

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