Saturday 10 September 2016

The year of giving up


Last year was tough. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, a neuro musculoskeletal pain disorder and my chronic pains basically decided everything for me. No, it has no cure. Chronic pain is a bitch . It eats and gnaws on you slowly leaving you such that you will never be whole again. It kills a part of you. You never heal.
Living in pain 24*7 aint easy. I had to give up on a lot of things.  I gave up on my work, I gave up socialising, I gave up reading books because my hand couldn't hold one, I gave up writing, making crafts. I gave up riding my two wheeler,  I gave up shopping, meeting friends, I gave up my favourite foods because I became intolerant to many,  I gave up complaining about my pains, I gave up explaining my pains, I gave up being understood, I gave up on empathy. I gave up on looking good, I gave up looking at myself in the mirror, I gave up smiling and being happy. If I did, it was just an act to pretend normal in front of my family.
I became home bound and started avoiding people, stopped taking calls or replying to messages. I couldn't roll out chapattis, I couldn't stand for long to cook, I had to pray namaz sitting on a chair. Even bathing became difficult. At 35, not being able to do even normal routine chores makes you feel useless. I would cry in the bathroom. I would cry while praying. I would just stare into the distance and start crying. Everyday was a constant struggle to get up and go about taking care of my children, my husband and myself.
But what I didn't give up on was my faith in my creator.  I knew it was He who gave me this suffering and I knew only He could take it away from me. It was just a matter of time. I never gave up on praying.  I never gave up on researching and reading about my illness. I never gave up on my search for the right doctor to help me. And by sheer chance I met one who changed my life. After my pains became slightly manageable with medication, I started exercising and gradually things became much better.
So is the pain gone?  No. But its bearable now. Am I physically fit to get back to my old life? Nope. I still can't do many activities. Am I cured? No I am not. Will I ever be painfree? I don't know. Will I be able to work like before?  I don't care. All that mattered was I had learnt to manage my everyday pains and work around it to make sure I could make the best out of each day.
I realised the true meaning of the words "Everyday is a blessing ". Yes it is. I don't take any moment for granted. I know that my physical state now is a blessing and for as long as I can be this way, I will live my life to the fullest and celebrate life to the maximum.
So even though I gave up a lot of things,  I also came out much stronger in my faith and beliefs. And now on my 36th birthday I want to give up on a few more things: I would like to give up negativity, hopelessness, depression, hatred, ego, jealousy and all such things which make life miserable and take the fun out of it . And I would like to embrace life and the people in my life who make it worth living. It's too short to waste it.
A year can change a lot of things! And this illness changed a lot for me. Life is slower than before and yes I have to be very careful about the amount of activities I can do per day. I cannot overstrain. I have my limits. But there are so many things I can still do and I am grateful for the ability to do them. It's all about seeing the good in the bad.
This post is to thank all my family, friends, well wishers for being a part of my journey. For not giving up on me. For making me feel so special. I couldn't be happier. May Allah almighty bless all the wonderful people in my life!
Here's to an all new chapter!

<a href="http://www.ukfibromyalgia.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://www.ukfibromyalgia.com/images/linkback/linkback-2.png" alt="UK Fibromyalgia" width="150" height="150" border="0" /></a>

20 comments:

  1. And I will keep loving you more😘😘😘😘😘😘

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    1. Sooo cute! God bless u. I'm sure she could not have done this without your support and love

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  2. Very honest and from the heart. Thanks for sharing. Hopefully us fibro fighter will win our battles. Keep smiling x

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  3. I have learnt some true lessons of life...indeed life is a blessing. I want to tell u Tasneem Akbari that u are a winner already and with time u will be back with many more achievements.

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  4. I have learnt some true lessons of life...indeed life is a blessing. I want to tell u Tasneem Akbari that u are a winner already and with time u will be back with many more achievements.

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  5. "Once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in."

    Haruki Murakami

    Tas, love you and your 'never say die attitude'. Keep the faith girl!

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  7. Chronic pain IS a bitch! Wishing and praying for your speedy recovery. We only realise what our life is worth when we start losing it or had lost it. Every person, every object has a meaning in our lives and they come into it for a reason. Sometimes it feels good, sometimes not. Im glad you are recovering, and rather disappointed (at myself basically), that we forget how precious every moment is very quickly. I hope each and everyone of us realise the greatness that life is offering us. God bless you Tas.

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  8. My dear Tas.. my dear sister in Allah! I read this and shed a silent tear.. their is so much we don't know in our friends, I apologize. I have always seen you as independent, strong, individualistic and highly creative. You are all that and more I believe! Keep the fight and don't ever give up on YOU! You are precious! God bless you my child and I bow down to all your supporters - hubby dearest, family & friends etc. Take good care and keep smiling, YOU CAN DO IT!

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  9. Thank you wonderful people for all the lovely words of encouragement. I was initially very hesitant to share This but now am happy that I did. I just want people to be sensitive to those who are fighting invisible illnesses all over the world. They look ok outside but they are fighting a silent battle no one knows

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  10. It's a pleasure to know you Tassu Ben. You're a babe and you're a fighter. God bless you.

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  11. It's a pleasure to know you Tassu Ben. You're a babe and you're a fighter. God bless you.

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  12. Tasneem, thanks for sharing this. And keep going.. you have a lovely family to support you and you dear are stronger than you think. I have always seen you so and admired you too.

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  13. You are a strong woman indeed... I am sure you'll be able to kick pain under the belt and give it a run forever. Nevertheless... Its fabulous to meet the writer side of you... Do not just stop with the blogs. Please do take it up seriously and give us some flavours of fictions. God bless!!!

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