The Thought

You try hard not to cry. You breathe harder. Try not to break down. But even as you do so you feel the tears streaming down your cheeks. You fight hard to not break into a sob. "Breathe", you tell yourself. Just breathe harder and this feeling will pass. You take long deep breaths but that pit in your stomach becomes deeper. That lump in your throat grows bigger. Your chest feels tighter.
You wonder what set this off. You can't seem to put a finger to it. Maybe it was the too many small things that got you to feeling like this? Or maybe that one big thing that you always try not to think of? That thing you want to brush under the carpet. Or want to wipe it out of your life. But it continues to haunt you and remind you in the faces you see around everyday.
"Will I ever be free of it?", you wonder. You fight not to be slave of your past but you are. You will always be.
How is it easy to forget? When you say you have forgiven, then, why are you still holding on to it? Perhaps, forgiving is easier than forgetting.
You sigh. And give in to that sob. Maybe it will free you of these thoughts. You allow the tears to wash it away. You feel lighter. Better. Atleast for the moment. You wipe the tear stained cheeks and continue with the mundane. Till the thought strikes again!

F for Fair

I am the measure of beauty,

The parameter of your success!

It doesn't matter if I'm intelligent, talented or skilled,

Nobody will look that deep.

I define the standards of superiority,

I am the requirement of every matrimonial ad.

Subjected to endless stares and cheap comments,

A fantasy of every perverted mind;

I am the shade that everyone aspires,

While I yearn to be that dusky lass!

Namak se zaika toh har pakwaan deta hai,
Pheekey mein bhi swaad aa jaaye to kya baat ho!

Kashmakash

Behayaee pe toh sab hi martey hai,
Jo sharm-o-haya pe koyi mar mitey toh kya baat ho!

Husn ko sawaar kar kisi ko bhi lubha logey,
Gar saadgi se lubha lo toh kya baat ho!

Lafzon se haal sab bayan kartey hai,
Khamoshi se haal-e-dil kehdo toh kya baat ho!

Kehtein hai mohabbat se har rishta kayam hai,
Nafrat mein mohabbat dhoond lo toh kya baat ho!

Jo lafz hoton se ho na paye bayaan,
Woh aakhon mein padh lo toh kya baat ho!

Andherey mein roshan toh har chirag hai,
Gar andheron ko hi roshan samajh lo toh kya baat ho!

Zakhmo se dard sab ko hota hai,
Dard hi mein sukoon mil jaaye toh kya baat ho!

Unhein Kehna...

Nahin hum bewafaa unhein kehna ,
Usay kehna ke tanhayi mein aansoon hum ne bhi bahaaye hain,
Hum ne bhi judayi ka gum uthayaa hai,
Waadein na nibhaa sakey ye afsos hamein roz rulata hai.

Unhein kehna, ke har pal saath bitaaya, yaad hai hamein,
Unki choo-an ka ehsas, yaad hai hamein,
Band aankhon se mehsus kar saktey hai hum
Ab bhi unki maujoodgi, unhein kehna!

Khushi bhi hamari, unsey thi,
Aarmaan bhi hamare, unsey they.
Ab na jeeney ki chaah hai,
Na mausam ka hosh-o-hawaaz; unhein kehna,
Ke pehley se kayi zyada hamein unki zarurat hai !

Adhurey Sapnein

Raat ke sannato mein samet ti hun
Main roz apne adhurey sapno ko.
Jo kabhi din mein dekha karti thi-
Ke aise karungi, waisi banungi .
Par khwaab udaan bharney se pehle hi ruswa ho gaye.
Ab naye khwaab kahan se laoon?
Khwaab toh phir bhi naye dekh lungi
Magar who himmat, woh junoon kahan se laoon?
Kahan se laoon woh duniya badalne ka pagalpan?
Jab manzil tak pahunchney ki taqat hi nahi rahi?

"I have the powwwah!"

       It's been 33 years since He-Man was first telecast on tv! I remember how my love for superheroes started with it! I would be glued to the tv set every Sunday morning to watch him claim his power! And I knew that I wanted to be a "He-man" when I grew up! Strong and powerful. And I was never told I couldnt be one.
     I don't remember playing with dolls. They never fascinated me. I was the one cutting up batteries and opening calculators, looking what was inside them. I could fix the tvs and vcrs when they stopped working. I was the one my mom called out to change light bulbs or to check current leaks from the washing machine.
      No don't call me a tomboy. I wasn't anything like a boy. I was very much a girl. A girl who never knew limits. Who knew and still knows that nothing is impossible to achieve regardless of your gender.
My father always taught me to be tough. He got us sisters basic martial art training so we could learn self defence. Even if I had to go far to a new address my father encouraged me to go alone via public transport and find the place myself. All this in the time of no mobile phones. "Dream big!", is what he always told me. "Aim for the stars, so even if you fail, you will reach the moon".
     One evening when I refused to go buy groceries for fear of being teased by the street boys, Pappa got angry. "What a shameful thing to say!", he said to me. "All my upbringing and education has gone waste. You can't tackle a few boys teasing you?".   Dad had never taught us to look down and walk. He always taught me to hold my chin up, to look everyboy in the eye if they ever said anything nasty and get even with them. I still remember how my sister beat up a couple of boys who were stalking us once at Egmore! This was the way we were brought up. Believing that there was nothing that was difficult to tackle or impossible to achieve. Believing that I was no less than a Superhero.
      Years later when Dad offered me a job to look after his computer centre (IT Kids), I remember this one lady commenting, "You must really regret not having an elder son right now", to which my father answered "Not at all! Infact I wish I had two more daughters like her!" Hearing that, was the proudest moment of my life!
      Looking back, I see how forward thinking and modern my parents were and how much they believed and trusted their children. If not for my SuperParents I wouldn't have grown up with the confidence that I hold today. Nor would I have reached where I am. There was no He-man or She-woman for them. Just children who were the "Masters of their Universe"!
And I still believe that I have the powwwah!