The Thought

You try hard not to cry. You breathe harder. Try not to break down. But even as you do so you feel the tears streaming down your cheeks. You fight hard to not break into a sob. "Breathe", you tell yourself. Just breathe harder and this feeling will pass. You take long deep breaths but that pit in your stomach becomes deeper. That lump in your throat grows bigger. Your chest feels tighter.
You wonder what set this off. You can't seem to put a finger to it. Maybe it was the too many small things that got you to feeling like this? Or maybe that one big thing that you always try not to think of? That thing you want to brush under the carpet. Or want to wipe it out of your life. But it continues to haunt you and remind you in the faces you see around everyday.
"Will I ever be free of it?", you wonder. You fight not to be slave of your past but you are. You will always be.
How is it easy to forget? When you say you have forgiven, then, why are you still holding on to it? Perhaps, forgiving is easier than forgetting.
You sigh. And give in to that sob. Maybe it will free you of these thoughts. You allow the tears to wash it away. You feel lighter. Better. Atleast for the moment. You wipe the tear stained cheeks and continue with the mundane. Till the thought strikes again!